Ghost In A Machine

I had a near death experience as a child which has a big effect on how I perceive myself and the world around me. I see my body as a perfect machine. It completely sustains itself. Sometimes it scares me. I can feel it having a life of its own. It scares me especially when I think of what my body is made from. I am a wandering universe of microscopic organisms functioning in unity, forming my body which I then can use to roam this world. I am not my body but my body is a part of me, so important … like you can’t join an MMORPG without creating an avatar first. I have to have this body to be here.

But I am not my body, or am I? My lungs will keep pumping air without me having to consciously think of them doing so. My heart will pump the blood through my veins, supplying oxygen to the rest of my body whether I want this or not. The body is programmed to live. I am unaware of almost everything it does to stay “alive”. I wonder: Does it really need “me”? What’s the consciousness inside of this body?

cosmic-hand2

I’m sorry but I’m fascinated. I’m interested in the way the body works, the way it retains memory, for instance. Why does the brain choose to keep one memory but overwrite another? And the amount of abuse it can withstand – what an incredible healing capacity! Sometimes I think people are friggin’ suicidal simply by looking at the way they treat their own body. I then wonder how they’d act should they ever learn its value. But people take their bodies for granted because they got them for free. And people hardly value anything they get for free, right? Then again, some folks are intrigued by sci-fi: “How cool would it be if we had androids roaming around us, cyborgs and stuff…”

Funny how people want to create artificial bodies and AI. Funny how they always want it to be more human-like at first, and then look forward for it to surpass human capacities. Why would you want to create something that’s supposed to mimic and eventually become a “better” you while you not even knowing everything about “you” yet? What if the human body is capable of so much more than pump blood, air, digest food and stay alive? Apparently, we don’t even know how much of our brain’s capacity we actually are using. We believe to have mastered genetics while claiming most of our DNA is “junk” simply because we can’t make much sense of it. There is the Placebo Effect which defies any established “logic” and “rationalism”. Not to mention “Epigenetics”. How much do we work our DNA work as opposed to it “working” us? Our bodies are on auto-pilot.mirror They run to maintain life but that eventually wears off. What if we can do so much more with it? I mean things like super strength under certain circumstances have been studied silently. There are people out there who can do seemingly “impossible” things. I wonder what secrets we’re staring into when facing ourselves in the mirror.

If the body is a machine, then the consciousness controlling it must be the mind. Yes, the mind controls the physical body and so much more maybe? Change your thoughts, change your life. Mind over matter. But … looking into psychology it becomes clear very fast that the mind is just another machine. Very much programmed. And the software is harder to overwrite the longer it’s in use. I want to know what’s beyond this. I want to understand the code. I’m not sure what I’m getting myself into.

Superhuman – Be Fearless

Part of being human is knowing fear. No matter how much people might argue that it is necessary for our survival – no one can argue against the fact that fear is of more than just one type. There is this ugly mental fear (thoughts, overthinking) vs the quite useful physical fear (feeling, the adrenalin rush). Physical fear can save lives in dangerous situations yet mental fear slowly destroys them from the inside out.

To become superhuman, the key is not to be fearless, but to understand fear and where it comes from. Befriend it.

I used to have anxiety issues for a few years. Believe it or not, I still had them a few weeks ago. My anxiety problems began as soon as I wasn’t able to meet other people’s expectations. The disapproval of my personal decisions from closed ones had a tremendous impact on my inner world because I allowed it to. However, fate is such a funny thing. It doesn’t care about petty feelings. The way we feel about ourselves and others is purely our choice. Fate is very well aware of that. It doesn’t care about what people think is the best thing, it only cares about the right thing. And the right thing it will be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type to worship fate, I am a firm believer that we are not victims of circumstance, by any chance, I would rather say fate is what we make it, yet … some things are predestined.

Both time and energy play a big part when it comes to anxiety issues. We might think we don’t have enough time to do all the things we want to do in life, or that things don’t go fast enough. We begin to lose faith, to feel stuck, we start to doubt ourselves and our path. The thing is that in most cases we have too much time on our hands with no suitable outlet for our energy to flow into. So we roam the realm of possibilities.

We begin thinking about the how’s and when’s wanting to control how things will enter our life, how we will achieve this and that – and because energy not invested positively turns foul and bitter – we get caught up in terrible thought chains in a matter of seconds. The final hit is when things don’t go the way we expected them to. Because this rarely happens. We feel like we lose our ground because we thought our plans were flawless. And if our plans don’t work, what will?

Expectations

The key to getting rid of crippling fear is learning to trust in something bigger than ourselves and move out of our way. We need to understand that we are not supposed to plan out every step of our journey. Our job is to make a decision and be clear on our goals. Let the universe handle the rest and enjoy the process. If life was all about goals and results – when and what would we learn in the meantime? Where’s room for personal growth in that scheme?

My anxiety issues declined gradually once I found a suitable outlet for my energy, which is this blog. I don’t have so much time to overthink anymore, I have something to look forward to because my energy is actually flowing somewhere. I learned to let go of wanting things my way and wanting them now. I understood the importance of self-exploration. And I am not anxious to experiment and try things out anymore because I finally gave up on perfection.

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