What’s Real?

smoke2

The bitter truth behind ‘be real’ is that most of us are nowhere close to being real and never will be. No matter how true to ourselves we think we are. I wonder – being born in a world full of standards, expectations, role models, idols, trends, fads, rules and customs – were we ever real to begin with?

Just A Story #3 – Feather

Just A Story #1 – Paine

“I’ll come over in a few minutes, Paine. I need some fresh air.” The truth is that I need to calm my mind before I can face our guest. I’m not myself ever since that night – did I really … ? “Understood~” Paine walks a few steps backwards before turning around and disappearing from my sight in elegance. Shouldn’t I be terrified of heights? Yet the terrace is my favorite place. It’s windy outside. The dark clouds are moving fast over my head, they seem too close. I wonder what’s so urgent, it is unusual for Ed to come over this late. We were going to visit the lab tomorrow morning anyway.

During the last 3 months I’ve been working with Ed, attempting to recover my memories. He served as my private doctor until I went from being the daughter of Alltheia’s representative to literally, Ms. Nobody. No one remembers me, I’ve seen my friends – I actually walked past them yet no one even bothers to look twice at me. Isn’t that the life I always wished for? I am as free as a bird now. Why do I need to know what happened, I could just take the life I was given and do whatever I want.

No, the reason I’m in this is because I want to know the truth. If it wasn’t for Ed I’d have no place to go to. Paine gave up her position in the lab just to keep an eye on me. But I don’t understand … why are Ed and Paine the only people in this god-damned city who still remember me? I’m not a ghost, or am I? Their involvement in my death is out of question – yet they are set to help me discover the truth by myself.

The wind gets colder as I catch a single feather gliding through the air from the corner of my eye. “Huh?” This feather … my body moves on its own I … I have to pick it up! It’s the feather from my dream last night. I keep seeing it over and over again! No, this can’t be … The dream … I can’t be sleeping! Quickly Erin, you have to look at his face, come on. My head hurts, I feel dizzy – as I let myself fall on the cold floor I watch the dream unfold in front of my inner eye. Within a moment – I find myself at the top of a high building – within a moment – I cling to the papers in my hands, this man … I have to see his face! He … he killed me! Echoing whispers run through my mind as I feel the shockwave hitting my chest. Time slows down as I fall off the edge, watching the magnificent winged being hovering over the building. I am nothing but a feather gliding through the air. “Erin White, you’re in my way.”

falling

To be continued…

Previous: Part 2 – Memories

Next: Part 4 – Time

Friends For Days Tag

Chelia from pinkfordays created this tag named Friends For Days and Jade not so recently nominated me to participate in it! Her blog BeautyandtheFlawed is a Lifestyle blog covering topics related to beauty, fashion and art. I love the relaxed vibe it gives off!

img_5003

The rules:

  • Say who created the tag and provide a link to their blog.
  • Do a blog post showing your Tag.
  • Add the logo to the post.
  • Always thank the person who nominated you, provide a link to their blog and, if you like, say something positive and supportive about their blog.
  • Choose 5 bloggers that you don’t know very well or that are just starting their blog.
  • Go over to their blogs and read a few posts, like and comment.
  • Say 3 things you love about their blogs; (3 things for each blogger)
  • Those 5 bloggers are automatically nominated to do the same.
  • Nominate two bloggers who have been doing this for a longer time! Don’t forget to let them know you’re nominated them!

Vinay C – Voicetomythought

I recently found Vinay’s blog and was impressed by the genius behind it. I like the way he presents his ideas and his positive attitude. If you decide to visit his blog you’re in for something great, prepare to have your mind blown!

Omobim1

Is simply a treasure. She’d make a great motivational speaker. I love her empowering and encouraging posts – Omobim is probably one of the most confident girls I’ve met on WP so far and her confidence is ‘contagious’.

Sylvia – SimplySylviaJo

Sylvia writes a lifestyle blog as well. The special thing about it is her fresh and hilarious writing style – trust me, she has some posts up that will definitely draw you in and make you laugh. A good blog to visit on a ‘cloudy’ day!

Nel – ReactionaryTales

Another blog I recently stumbled upon – run by Nel and M. They compose interesting, thoughtful posts covering various topics. I love that their posts usually are short but right on spot! They post on a daily basis so there’s always something new to discover on their site. (The reason I primarily nominate Nel is because I spoke with her more so she won’t be surprised about the nomination!)

Last but not leastDominic – TheGoldenLands

A blog I found just yesterday. The linked post caught my eye because it bears such a powerful message. I also am intrigued by the fact that he actually finished writing a book which will be published shortly. You know, it’s tough to have this kind of perseverance!

Now on to the ‘Ancient’ bloggers:

Of course I can’t do a tag without mentioning KetCage, my first blogging buddy on here. He is busy lately but he’s a master at being an inspiration by simply engaging in a conversation. However, I do not tag Ket this time because he is busy.

Instead, I’m tagging Nemo, whom I also consider my blogging buddy. Even though his blog actually is younger than mine, he posts on a daily basis and I see him as a rather experienced blogger because of that! I love the versatility on his blog and his creative stories are always a win.

And UniverseOfTheUnspoken (the Mystery Blogger Award, is in que!) who has been very supportive of my blog from the very start. Ash writes a lifestyle blog from the heart and I love her cheerful attitude.

✦✦✦

Being Human

Part of being human is knowing fear. No matter how much people might argue that it is necessary for our survival – no one can argue against the fact that fear is of more than just one type. There is this ugly mental fear (thoughts, overthinking) vs the quite useful physical fear (feeling, the adrenalin rush). Physical fear can save lives in dangerous situations yet mental fear slowly destroys them from the inside out.

The key is not to be fearless, but to understand fear and where it comes from. Befriend it.

I used to have anxiety issues for a few years. Believe it or not, I still had them a few weeks ago. My anxiety problems began as soon as I wasn’t able to meet other people’s expectations. The disapproval of my personal decisions from closed ones had a tremendous impact on my inner world because I allowed it to. However, fate is such a funny thing. It doesn’t care about petty feelings. The way we feel about ourselves and others is purely our choice. Fate is very well aware of that. It doesn’t care about what people think is the best thing, it only cares about the right thing. And the right thing it will be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type to worship fate, I am a firm believer that we are not victims of circumstance, by any chance, I would rather say fate is what we make it, yet … some things are predestined.

Both time and energy play a big part when it comes to anxiety issues. We might think we don’t have enough time to do all the things we want to do in life, or that things don’t go fast enough. We begin to lose faith, to feel stuck, we start to doubt ourselves and our path. The thing is that in most cases we have too much time on our hands with no suitable outlet for our energy to flow into. So we roam the realm of possibilities.

We begin thinking about the how’s and when’s wanting to control how things will enter our life, how we will achieve this and that – and because energy not invested positively turns foul and bitter – we get caught up in terrible thought chains within a matter of seconds. The final hit is when things don’t go the way we expected them to. Because this rarely happens. We feel like we lose our ground because we thought our plans were flawless. And if our plans didn’t work, what will?

girl portrait

The key to getting rid of crippling fear is learning to trust in something bigger than ourselves and move out of our way. We need to understand that we are not supposed to plan out every step of our journey. Our job is to make a decision and be clear on our goals. Let the universe handle the rest and enjoy the process. If life was all about goals and results – when and what would we learn in the meantime? Where’s room for personal growth in that scheme?

My anxiety issues declined gradually once I found a suitable outlet for my energy. I don’t have so much time to overthink anymore, I have something to look forward to because my energy is actually flowing somewhere. I learned to let go of wanting things my way and wanting them now. I understood the importance of self-exploration. And I am not anxious to experiment and try things out anymore because I finally gave up on perfection.

✦✦✦

Blogger Party

Purple-Balloons

I’m hosting a ‘Blogger Party’!

My First Milestone came rolling in today. I’ve had a lot of fun expressing myself and exploring my mind, I’ve made some blogging buddies and I want to drop a big thank you to everyone who got my back on here, gratitude for your support, for taking the time to read my little posts and comment your thoughts, thank you for your inspiring posts as well!

Here’s how it goes: drop the link to your blog in the comment section below and describe what your blog is about in a few lines – the thought behind this is for everyone who decides to participate to be able to find some new blogs to read and make new connections! Just because mutual support and ecouragement rocks!

✦✦✦

Just A Story #2 – Memories

pexels-photo-99589

Our memories make us who we are. I close the book Paine bought yesterday and walk towards the window. The view from up here is breathtaking yet boring at the same time. It reminds me of a bustling ant colony. This place seems unreal.

Memories. Of course, I remember growing up, I remember the places I visited, the people I met … yet none of those memories is enough to give me a secure sense of identity. Looking down at the busy street I feel like this all is just a game, a wicked play designed to keep us separated from the source. Yet the people in this city seem so perfectly at peace. They fit in this world, all of them hold their place in it. They have families, friends. I see them fill the streets on the weekends. They do have a life, don’t they? Not that it’s perfect – I know they face struggles and feel pain. Yet the daily routine remains their first priority. These perfect citizen are built to preserve the status quo.

Nothing that I know about this place, none of the memories made here will change the feeling that there is so much more to everything than what we’re allowed to see. I feel as if the words I speak come out tainted. My mind is always busy finding the perfect pitch, will I ever be able to express myself freely, without the feeling of someone erasing my thoughts before I can speak them out loud?

My name is Erin White. And I committed suicide on a cold December night. At least that’s what the newspapers tell me. All of them. I can’t remember dying but the change of character, Paine’s appearance, all those stirred emotions and the confusion I find myself in show that something really happened. I did die on that night.

“I made you some tea.” Paine’s calm voice echoes across the room. “Come and join us, if you like.”

To be continued…

Previous: Part 1 – Paine

Next: Part 3 – Feather

Everyone Needs A Good Friend – Be One To Yourself

I don’t have any Zip today, in other words: I’m so damn tired lately. Then I realized how much I am at war with myself again – thoughts, ideas and fears all pull in different directions. Restless. Of course I’m not the only one like this. We all have our phases. A few weeks from now I probably won’t even remember feeling like this.

People waste too much time beating themselves up about their own imperfections. How do they hope to achieve greatness while thinking lowly of themselves? What if we all decided to be at peace with ourselves right here, right now? Can you imagine treating yourself as a friend? Does thinking of this put a smile on your face?

1231243214