I’ve Been On A Trip To The Outernet

“I’m not sure what I’m getting myself into.”

The words from my last post make me chuckle.

The universe is such a funny place. It gives you exactly what you ask for.

I haven’t planned to “come back”. It’s been two months yet I feel like 2 years have passed. I am a different person. I thought I’d cringe skimming through my last post. I haven’t. I can smell “my touch” upon it. The energy I put behind my words – it’s a genuine text of mine, yes. Have I really changed as much then? What happened, Luna…

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I’ve been looking for something. Something to make me feel alive. Something to drive me mad, “consume” me. I’ve been looking for something worth losing sleep over.

And I found it. I can’t get enough.

It’s good to know that I’m just at the beginning. I dipped my toes into the deep waters so to speak. And I want more. Millions of questions run through my mind. Whenever I find an answer, 2 new questions come up. Well, more than two actually. It drives me nuts on one hand but makes my stay here worthwhile on the other.

I’ve been drowning in the boring “mundane” BS. We all know there’s more to life than sleep, work, consume, repeat. Can’t you feel you’re dying a little every day, doing the same shit over and over again? Do you feel satisfied? Can’t you feel the pull inside you to do something “real”? Something that gives you a sense of belonging, purpose? Something that makes you feel that you actually are here? Can you imagine standing on the top of a mountain, you see the Milky Way high above you, stretch your arms out, breathe in… What do you feel? Take your eyes off the meaningless chase after “nothing really”.

Do you feel a driving force behind your actions greater than “just to live another day” while minding your every day business? I couldn’t. But I wanted to.

I am far from having a clear picture but I haven’t been “losing” sleep for nothing. When you find that something that ends up consuming you like this, you won’t be able to sleep much. Trust me. It’s not the worrying type of losing sleep, no. The opposite of that. You’ll feel energized. The most valuable realization I had is that I really don’t have time to “play nice” and pretend being someone I am not.

Many people think they are being real, unique and edgy but they actually are maintaining a certain image of themselves. The way you want to be seen is not who you really are.

For most of us it is intimidating to really be ourselves. We don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable. We are programmed to try to fit in at all times. Don’t be weird and all. It’s hard to let go of such a deep seed within our minds. But it’s entirely possible. If you don’t let go of this you’ll never know your real self. No one in this world has to accept you but yourself. So why don’t you?

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I Don’t Know What I’m Doing

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Funny thing, isn’t it, we spend so much time at school preparing for the big ol’ world but once we’re out we feel like newborn babies, not knowing where we actually belong. I think, no matter what it takes, we all should take the chance to explore our inner worlds. We all should take the chance and pursue happiness – even if we still have to figure out what this means to us, even if going after it means rough times ahead. It’s better than having our hearts long for some place we think we can’t go.

So, to me, I made a promise that I will keep going, seeing what I can find in the labyrinth of my mind. Because I, for once, have no memories of who I am. But promises are just words and the universe speaks actions, not promises. What keeps me going is the uncertainty. The subtle excitement rushing through my veins when I ask myself: ‘What do I have to lose? What if … I keep going?’ What will I possibly find at the end of the road and what’s the alternative once I give up pursuing my real self? Frankly said, the alternative sucks so the only option left is to keep playing ‘Life’. And if the rabbit hole is the only thing that makes life worth living then that’s what I’ve been made for. I refuse to go down empty.

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Blogger Party

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I’m hosting a ‘Blogger Party’!

My First Milestone came rolling in today. I’ve had a lot of fun expressing myself and exploring my mind, I’ve made some blogging buddies and I want to drop a big thank you to everyone who got my back on here, gratitude for your support, for taking the time to read my little posts and comment your thoughts, thank you for your inspiring posts as well!

Here’s how it goes: drop the link to your blog in the comment section below and describe what your blog is about in a few lines – the thought behind this is for everyone who decides to participate to be able to find some new blogs to read and make new connections! Just because mutual support and ecouragement rocks!

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Everyone Needs A Good Friend – Be One To Yourself

I don’t have any Zip today, in other words: I’m so damn tired lately. Then I realized how much I am at war with myself again – thoughts, ideas and fears all pull in different directions. Restless. Of course I’m not the only one like this. We all have our phases. A few weeks from now I probably won’t even remember feeling like this.

People waste too much time beating themselves up about their own imperfections. How do they hope to achieve greatness while thinking lowly of themselves? What if we all decided to be at peace with ourselves right here, right now? Can you imagine treating yourself as a friend? Does thinking of this put a smile on your face?

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Just A Story – Paine

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Paine is my best friend. She’s the only being that keeps me sane in this dull, rotten place. I wonder how she can keep her stuff together surrounded by this madness. Oh, maybe it’s because she isn’t human. Why me? My thoughts are running wild yet I keep coming to the same conclusion over and over. I’m stuck, a prisoner of my own. Like a lost time traveller I feel out of place. Wrong era, wrong planet. Yet … I am here.

“Cheer up, sadface!” Her voice snaps me out of my seemingly endless trip. The deeper I go, the darker it gets, it’s tough to go back without a safety rope. “Paine, do you know what it feels like being out of place?” She gives me a cryptic smile. Of course you do. “Nothing ever is out of place, dear.” These words crush my heart. “You know it hurts when you say this.” I simply can’t ignore how I feel about myself, the world and my place in it. I’ll never belong, I’ll never belong.  “Your feelings can’t change the truth of who you are. You’ll have to learn to accept it.” She always smiles. I wish I was like her. Maybe that’s why she’s by my side – without Paine I’d be a gloomy little sadface, at all times of the day. Oh, and I’d probably die of chronic depression, too. See, I make no sense. But then again, what makes sense on this Rock Bottom planet?

To be continued…

Next: Part Two: Memories

Let’s Do Nothing At All

What’s the difference between the dabbler and the achiever?

Well, the dabbler tries, fails and gives up. The achiever on the other hand is the polar opposite. And some people tend to take this too far. The old paradigm preaches you have to work your butt off and make sacrifices over sacrifices if you want to get somewhere. That might work for some but others can’t pull through with it. It’s hard to stay on track – not because they’re weak but because this way is not for them. There are generic approaches and tested solutions, sure. But do you really think there is only one perfect way to reach a goal?

While pressure can be a good motivator not every individual handles it equally.

Some might be at their peak performance while others give up. That’s why students with bad grades don’t usually get better. They give up. The school system is just one example where everyone is treated in the same way, regardless of natural predisposition, talent and individuality. We are people but we are not one and the same! We keep trying to fit into a flawed system believing to know the perfect way to the top and because some can’t keep up with it they stop trying.

Yes, hard work and perseverance are important when it comes to achieving goals. You get out what you put in. What if I told you it’s not what we do or don’t which determines success or failure of an endeavor – it’s how much of it. Push too hard to get somewhere and you end up stuck. It’s okay if you can’t work towards your goal for 20 hours a day – there’s a way for everyone.

I believe in consistency more than in anything else.

There is no shame in taking a break and doing nothing once in a while. In fact, it’s rather healthy to zone out regularly, and some tend to be more productive after taking a break. You can’t focus on anything with a cluttered mind. As long as we don’t chill too much, pick up the pace rather soon and continue working on our goal, giving our best – everything is still possible. Allow yourself a breather every now and then. Peace!

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Why I’m Here And What The Blog Is About

Why am I blogging publicly instead of keeping a diary?

I see writing as a powerful tool to release stress and tension. Nowadays especially, as The Age of Information is taking its toll on our ability to concentrate and think clearly, writing has some therapeutic qualities to it. I also enjoy the feeling of a small victory and a clearer mind once I’m done writing about something that’s been bothering me for a while.

The reason I decided to take my ‘mind surfing’ to a blog is simply for the experience of it.

What topics would I like to write about?

I’d like to write about the twisted mind of ours and how we create our reality by literally thinking it into existence. How what we see around us and what we focus on affects our perception of who we are and our place in society.

Who would I love to connect with via my blog?

I’d like to connect with and bring together people who feel “different”. Those seeking more to life than what the mundane routine has to offer. As well as the more grounded “spiritual” people such as old souls, wanderers, deep thinkers, etc. who have a hard time finding a common ground with the mainstream spiritual folks.

What do I hope to accomplish with this blog?

The main purpose of this blog is for me to get a clearer vision of myself and my path. I’d like to attain a clearer state of mind and hopefully spark some inspiration in those who come across it.