Unique But Not Really

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Funny how it’s a social norm to try and be someone vs simply be. Funny how especially during the school time we’re forced to focus on our flaws rather than strenghts in order to meet a set standard as opposed to allowing individualism to thrive. What if idolizing people leads us to not only losing the sense of self but actually holds us off from really tapping into it? Could the world become a much more positive place if we allowed us to actually discover ourselves instead of continuously trying to imitate others? Heh, that’d be a catastrophe.

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What’s Real?

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The bitter truth behind ‘be real’ is that most of us are nowhere close to being real and never will be. No matter how true to ourselves we think we are. I wonder – being born in a world full of standards, expectations, role models, idols, trends, fads, rules and customs – were we ever real to begin with?

Just A Story #2 – Memories

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Our memories make us who we are. I close the book Paine bought yesterday and walk towards the window. The view from up here is breathtaking yet boring at the same time. It reminds me of a bustling ant colony. This place seems unreal.

Memories. Of course, I remember growing up, I remember the places I visited, the people I met … yet none of those memories is enough to give me a secure sense of identity. Looking down at the busy street I feel like this all is just a game, a wicked play designed to keep us separated from the source. Yet the people in this city seem so perfectly at peace. They fit in this world, all of them hold their place in it. They have families, friends. I see them fill the streets on the weekends. They do have a life, don’t they? Not that it’s perfect – I know they face struggles and feel pain. Yet the daily routine remains their first priority. These perfect citizen are built to preserve the status quo.

Nothing that I know about this place, none of the memories made here will change the feeling that there is so much more to everything than what we’re allowed to see. I feel as if the words I speak come out tainted. My mind is always busy finding the perfect pitch, will I ever be able to express myself freely, without the feeling of someone erasing my thoughts before I can speak them out loud?

My name is Erin White. And I committed suicide on a cold December night. At least that’s what the newspapers tell me. All of them. I can’t remember dying but the change of character, Paine’s appearance, all those stirred emotions and the confusion I find myself in show that something really happened. I did die on that night.

“I made you some tea.” Paine’s calm voice echoes across the room. “Come and join us, if you like.”

To be continued…

Previous: Part 1 – Paine

Next: Part 3 – Feather

Happiness Is A Personal Choice?!

Responsibility

Has someone ever taught you how to take responsibility for your emotions? Or that this was even a thing? Me neither. This is because it’s widely believed that emotions just happen and that other people are usually somehow involved with the way we feel. Like emotions are nothing we could truly control yet we’re taught to be mindful of our words and actions when we’re around a group of people. We’ve adapted rules and social standards as to not hurt or offend others. However, looking left and right all you see are people feeling offended! It’s because feeling this way is a personal choice and people are addicted to playing the victim role.

Illusion of Influence

There is no way we can be in control over what another person thinks and feels. Ever noticed how sometimes you begin thinking of something and you get so caught up in the thought process, it begins to alter the way you currently feel? This happens because thoughts and emotions go hand in hand.

So if a person thinks that you’re thinking badly of them, they’ll begin to feel that, too. Even if in reality that’s not the case they’ll begin reading more into your words and actions than what was actually said and done. It’s like some minor paranoia: they’ll think your tone was sarcastic the way you looked at them was condescending etc. there literally is nothing you can do about it because the way they feel about you is their personal choice and if they decide to feel offended by you, they will find or create reasons for that.

Of course there are people who do this on purpose, too. Trying to hurt and offend others for whatever reasons, I mean. People who are loud and constantly acting up are usually the ones trying to hide their own insecurities.

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In any case: our feelings and emotions are always under our own control just as much as our thoughts are. Maybe it’s not something we like to hear but then again, the way our society works now shows that we avoid responsibility like hell. It’s easy to blame someone else for the way we feel. It’s difficult to admit that we choose to feel low and play the victim simply because it’s too much effort to stand up for ourselves and in some cases admit that in reality it’s us who are thinking lowly of ourselves deep within. But the universe always delivers according to the way we truly feel – sometimes through setting us in touch with people who’ll point exactly that out to us.

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