Funny thing, isn’t it, we spend so much time at school preparing for the big ol’ world but once we’re out we feel like newborn babies, not knowing where we actually belong. I think, no matter what it takes, we all should take the chance to explore our inner worlds. We all should take the chance and pursue happiness – even if we still have to figure out what this means to us, even if going after it means rough times ahead. It’s better than having our hearts long for some place we think we can’t go.
So, to me, I made a promise that I will keep going, seeing what I can find in the labyrinth of my mind. Because I, for once, have no memories of who I am. But promises are just words and the universe speaks actions, not promises. What keeps me going is the uncertainty. The subtle excitement rushing through my veins when I ask myself: ‘What do I have to lose? What if … I keep going?’ What will I possibly find at the end of the road and what’s the alternative once I give up pursuing my real self? Frankly said, the alternative sucks so the only option left is to keep playing ‘Life’. And if the rabbit hole is the only thing that makes life worth living then that’s what I’ve been made for. I refuse to go down empty.
I think everyone who meditated once would probably agree with me if I say: meditation is tough. Since I’m not completely new to this anymore I think this time I can pull through. The excitement about where the journey would lead me to, keeps me motivated. I have a goal, yes, I’m going somewhere – but can I write about this? I’m afraid sharing the details lies beyond my comfort zone at the moment. Despite that I can still write about the journey.
Of course meditating on a whim is easy and can give you a quick result. What I want is more than that. I want a transformation. I want to heal myself. I want to cut the noise from my mind. I know it works. Here’s what I found:
Monkey Mind – Compared to meditating on a whim, it can be really hard to calm down and be relatively quiet every time. My mind keeps wandering off a lot. However, I am able to pull myself out of it. It took some practice and a lot of failed attempts to get to this point but I think now I’m good to go.
Falling Asleep – Inevitable. This still happened to me during this week even though I didn’t experience it in a while during my casual meditation sessions. It doesn’t frustrate me as much as it used to. If you’re new to meditation – expect to fall asleep a lot!
Fixed Stages – Okay this is getting interesting. I see colors once my body moves into a more relaxed state. My mind can be a monkey but I’ll see these colors – like I’m moving through a tunnel. If you try rubbing your eyes firmly for a few seconds you might get a better understanding of what I mean, even though it’s slightly different. It’s not distracting or anything, so don’t worry about this. The only curious thing is that sometimes it occurs right from the start, sometimes after 30 minutes. Sometimes it’s rather bright, other times it’s faint. It does occur in the dark and during day time. I can keep my eyes closed or opened – I’ll see them. The only connection I was able to make is that it occurs as soon as my body is relaxed, so seeing them is a good sign to me.
Another thing that occurs on a regular basis is a hardcore spinning sensation. I mean this when I say: it feels absolutely physical – as if someone just put you into a ball and is playing basketball with you in it. In space. The first time it happened I freaked out. However, the second time I experienced this I felt that I really need to allow it to pass by. So I did. And it’s good that I did because I experience this every now and then. Usually I feel very calm and relaxed once it settles. ^^ I don’t know what exactly it is – but I’ve been told that it’s some kind of energetic adjustment and the spinning sensation occurs when we’re ridding ourselves of some stuff in our energy field. What do you think?
Why am I blogging publicly instead of keeping a diary?
While I’m a complete newbie to blogging, I always had an interest in writing privately and couldn’t live without a notebook for long. I see writing as a powerful tool to release stress and tension.
Nowadays especially, as The Age of Information is taking its toll on our ability to concentrate and think clearly, writing has some therapeutic qualities to it. I also enjoy the feeling of a small victory and a clearer mind once I’m done writing about something that’s been bothering me for a while.
The reason I decided to take my ‘mind surfing’ to a blog is that various people have repeatedly told me about the calming quality of my written expressions as well as the empowering feeling they get once they finish reading a text of mine. It seems as if my feelings get etched in my words and everyone reading them can take something positive from the experience – the same rewarding feeling of a small victory I talked about before.
What topics would I like to write about?
I’d like to write about the twisted mind of ours and how we create our reality by literally thinking it into existence. How what we see outside and what we focus on affects our perception of who we are and our place in society. The blog will tend to be of a spiritual nature, but mind you, I’m not a fan of mainstream spirituality.
Who would I love to connect with via my blog?
I’d like to connect with and bring together people who feel somewhat left out from our society because they don’t fit in and those seeking more to life than what the mundane routine has to offer. As well as the more grounded spiritual people such as old souls, wanderers, deep thinkers, etc. who have a hard time finding a common ground with the mainstream spiritual folks.
What do I hope to accomplish with this blog?
The main purpose of this blog is for me to get a clearer vision of myself and my path. I’d like to attain a clearer state of mind and hopefully spark some inspiration in those who come across it.